Fear & Excitement

My expectations of God are so different from Gods.  Gods expectations of me are so different from mine.  I have an evening planned with another couple, in my mind I have it all under “control”.  We will have a little dessert and coffee, work our way into some good conversation, probe a little into our spiritual lives, pray and see them Sunday.  God had a different plan.  The trust and honesty of that night just floors me, God was in control and we were on a roller coaster going where ever he decided.  My fear level was like a childs, I was so scarred of saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things and then realize I don’t have control anyway.  God was sitting in the room with us, his presence was undeniably strong.  Thank you God for last night!

     Tonight, we went to the “k’s” house.  It feels so good to let someone probe into your life, to explore and challenge our ideas and values, and to be in the company of someone that I can just relax and be honest with and not worry of being judged or condemned.   The “k’s” are becoming more and more like family, their marriage inspires me, to watch two people so much in love just gets me excited about my own marriage.  They are so in love with Jesus, that just ignites me!!! I’m looking forward to see what God’s gonna do next, it is such a privilege to be a witness to his awesomeness.

“JESUS, COME SOON”!

    

The more I read, The less I know.

God is so amazing to me!! I have been reading the word since 1993, I also have been reading other books by different authors such as T. A. Sparks, F. B. Meyers, Jesse Penn Lewis, David Wilkerson, Roy Hession and Rick Joyner, just to name a few.  I have consumed food from these resources for several years, looking for more of my true love.  I love to hear others talk about their love for my love.  I get excited to hear my loves name or to read my loves name.  The five letters of the english alphabet put together to form my loves name is so simple, but yet is so unreachable.  “JESUS”, no other name touches me, no other name convicts me, no other name excites me.  He is my love!

     For a while now I have been reading looking for knowledge rather than love.  I just recently realized this.  I read authors taking something so simple; The love of Christ, and turn it into human complexity.  I caught myself getting drawn into this, God held up a mirror and said “look”!  I find myself debating predestination vs freewill, pre-rapture vs post-rapture, I have gotten so involved in the knowledge part of reading, that I totally lost the child-like passion for just Him!  I wonder sometimes, when we finally get to the end of our own story book and we see our reflection in the eyes of God, what will my thoughts consist of; Predestination? Freewill? Pre-rapture? Post-rapture? Theology? Religion? or will my thoughts consist of an explosion of Orgasmic Intimacy?

   “JESUS COME SOON”!

    

Leadership -VS- Learnership

     When I think of the word “LEADER”,  I think of someone who has it all together, someone who has all their ducks in a row, someone who has a plan, someone I can follow, to give me the right answers, to be “FLAWLESS!”  Most of all, when I think of the word “LEADER”,  it’s just not me!

     When I think of the word “LEARNER”. I think of a sponge in a bowl of water,  I think of someone who’s willing to be honest with others and with themselves, I think of being a child and sitting with my grandma, waiting for her next thought,  I think of people in general, each with a different personality; each personality, original, and part of Gods own personality. This is what I want to be, this is my prayer.