JOB

I have been learning/reading in the book of JOB.  I prayed for patience a few weeks ago and have been going through some crazy stuff!  I then felt led to read JOB.  It is amazing how Gods word changes everytime I read it.  It is always written to conform to what I’m going through in my life at the time I read a certain passage.  I always question God’s will and I always struggle with trusting him.  This is what I read:

JOB 38:4-18 (nasb)

     “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?”

“Tell me, if you have understanding, Who set its measurements, since you know?  Or who stretched the line on it?  On what were its bases sunk?  Or who laid its cornerstone, When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?”

 ”Or who enclosed the sea with doors, When, bursting forth it went out from the womb; when I made a cloud its garment, and thick darkness its swaddling band, and I placed boundaries on it, and I set a bolt and doors, and I said, thus far you shall come, but no farther, and here shall your proud waves stop?”

“Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, and used the dawn to know its place; that it might take hold of the ends of the earth, and the wicked  shaken out of it?  It is changed like clay under the seal; and they stand forth like a garment.  And from the wicked their light is withheld, and the uplifted arm is broken.”

“Have you entered into the springs of the sea?  Or have you walked in the recesses of the deep?  Have the gates of death been revealed to you?  Or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?  Have you understood the expanse of the earth?”

“TELL ME, IF YOU KNOW ALL THIS.”

     I am still in the book of JOB, I keep reading back and forth in the book,  I feel really drawn to this part of the bible right now.  I pray God will open my eyes and my mind to his will.

“JESUS COME SOON”

Here are some passages I’m looking at right now:

JOB 1:6  Now there was a day when the SONS of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them.

JOB 42:11  Then all his brothers and all his sisters, and all who had known him before, came to him, and they ate bread with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the EVIL THAT THE LORD HAD BROUGHT ON HIM.  And each one gave him one piece of money, and each a ring of gold.

JOB 1:21  And he said, “Naked I came from my MOTHER’S WOMB, and Naked I shall RETURN THERE.  The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

What really do I want!?

I have been reading Jim Palmer’s book “DIVINE NOBODIES.”  I am almost finished with the book, what a great book!!  I am reading a part in the book that talks about children being forced into sex slavery!!  As I read, I got mad and sick to my stomach.  I felt like crying.  Jim asks the question I have asked many times, “Why, God?”  and then I’ll think,  ”Maybe this is a problem that I’ll just pray about and leave to God?”  Then Jim writes:

     I don’t really want a “relationship” with God.  Here’s what I want.  I want to share with God all I feel, all I need, all that grieves me, all that makes me happy, the puzzling things, the fun things, and the hard things, but I would prefer that God keep his stuff to himself.  I don’t want to hear about his pain and share in his grief.  I don’t mind listening to God as long as I’m receiving solutions, answers, and advice.  Maybe what I really want is a divine vending machine: pop in my prayer, press the button for my need, and I’m good to go.

Thanks Jim for being obedient and writing this book. I guess it takes two for a “RELATIONSHIP”  to be….

Thank you Father, for using different things in my life to draw me near to you.  I love you.

“JESUS COME SOON”

Father

The mixed group I’m in is currently reading, “THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL SON.”  I read a page that talked to me direct!  I have been dealing with abuse from my earthly father for years, from the time I can remember to present day.  Within the last 6-12 months God has allowed me to actually pray for him with a sincere heart.  I don’t feel hate toward him anymore, but I don’t feel love either?  I have been taking this baggage everywhere with me for almost 41 years.  God is doing a work in me!!  I never thought I would be able to forgive my father, or better yet, I never thought I would want to forgive him!  I have found, the more God chisels away at my hardness toward my dad, the closer I feel to my father in heaven!!  I don’t understand this??  I recognize it, but I just can’t figure it out….  I shared this with my group last night.  I felt as though God told me I needed to???  I am so blessed that I am part of the body of Christ, that is actually real!!!  They really listen!! They really care!!!  They probe down deep into what makes me tick!!! They are to me, what the sword was to the prodigal son.. Thank You God for loving me…

“JESUS COME SOON!”

Shhhhhhhhhh

Last Sunday’s service was based on how we as Christians are perceived by our actions.  The drama had 4 people sitting around a table and 1 waitress.  The people around the table were talking about topics dealing with their church, but when the waitress would try to communicate, the people were very rude, or just in their actions they would belittle her.  Then of course came time for the tip, they decided that she needed to work for it and did not think she had.  They left exact change and a bible tract. 

     People in the congregation laughed at this, I really don’t see the humour.  I actually felt like crying.  How many times have I set this kind of example in my life?  Were people laughing because it made them feel uncomfortable or are they laughing thinking about someone else is a fault, not them?

     I usually stand out in the lobby during the second service, It’s pretty cool how God brings people around in the lobby just to minister to me or allow me to minister to them.  God even works in the lobby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     Well I’m out in the lobby and a man came to talk to me, he made sure I knew he was a marine!:-)  And he also is a master gardener.  He was very proud of these two facts.  He touched my heart!  I could feel God all around!!  He then asked me about myself, of course calling me sir cause of his marine background, I had told him a little about myself and my love for Jesus.  He told me about his love for Jesus and shared with me a story about what had happen to him, He was in a pretty bad car accident, He had one heck of a scar on his head and looked like he might have a plate or something in there.  I could tell he was child like, but what a great heart!  What Honesty!!!  What love!!!  He talked a little loud, but really who cares?  He shared he had had some addictions to drugs in the past and some other problems…Problems???hmmmmm, I think I have a few of those!!  He was very ashamed of smoking cigarettes and made sure I understood he was going to quit!! 

As he is sharing his story with me, a person that was just in the drama about treating people disrespectfully walked by, turned to us , put there finger to their mouth and with authority said, “SHHHHHHHHH”!  then walked into the auditorium.

     That kinda made me feel funny then, but I have been thinking and praying about this.  I tried to blow it off as stupidity, but I can’t, this person is a leader in our church.  I feel in my heart I need to take this to them, and I will.  I am scared, scared of what, I don’t know.  I could say I will trust God in this matter, but that statement would not be true.  I struggle with trusting God.  I know what ever the outcome is, it will be fulfilling Gods will and not mine!

Please pray for me.

JESUS COME SOON  (i’m tired)

Competition with God

I feel today I have learned an old lesson anew.  I was on top of the world, I have been meeting with couples outside of church and I have dove into their lives.  I have seen God do some cool stuff!

     I went to visit my cousin today that’s dying.  His stench made me feel nauseous! I was panicky!! His flesh is rotting off his bones, the smell is unbelievable.  I asked God to help me to get through this.  I thought to myself, I hope I never end up like him, where someone is sickened by me.  All I could think of was “MYSELF!!!”

     Then I get home and get a call from Dan that a couple I thought was on the road to recovery toward their marriage, blew up like an atomic bomb!!  I got sick to my stomach!!!   You know, why even try??!!!  God has got his plan and if I don’t match it, it just blows up!!!!  “THAT’S BULLSHIT GOD!!!!!!”   My intentions are good, I am not trying to out do you!!!!  I want people to come to you too!!!

ROM: 5:1-5

    This is what god spoke to me; “WE STILL FACE DAILY PROBLEMS THAT OFTEN HELP US GROW.”

     These things that happened today are for me.  For my growth and yet I got pissed at God.  Just as I start to get comfortable with my relationship with him, He stirs the pot of Brian soup and lets it simmer a little more.

     to sum it all up:

“I  AM  COMPETITIVE  WITH  GOD!”

Walls

I wonder what it would be like if everyone let down their walls?  I work with a guy, he’s not a very big guy physically, but his wall is “HUGE”!  I have been praying for him and taking his sarcastic and sometimes hurtful comments toward me.  God has helped me love him!!!  His wall has holes, I think God has shown me one.  I was standing out in the warehouse the other day and he walked over to me and made one of his normal sarcastic comments, but this time instead of blowing it off and asking how he’s been, I said, I would love to find out what’s down deep in your heart.  He almost looked scared and mumbled something under his breath.  Later that day he shared with me that his nephew he and his wife raised is dying of aids and is now in the hospital and it’s just a matter of time.  I asked him if it would be alright if I went to visit him.  I could see him start to marshmallow, then all of a sudden the walls came up and he told me that he didn’t think that was a good idea.  I just said o.k., I respect that, and I walked away.  I have noticed everyday since then, he’s been different, less angry, maybe even sad?  Today he didn’t talk much to anyone, he even went to places during breaks that nobody-else was.  I will keep praying for him and I’m just waiting on God, I thank God for allowing me to observe his greatness.

Father, tear down our walls, help us share our lives with others, to become the most beautiful bride for your son, it’s in his name I pray. amen

Tears

I wonder why it is when I pray I cry.  Not that it’s a bad thing, but it seems that when I actually let loose and allow God to touch me in prayer, I cry.  It’s not the kind of crying you do if your sad, or uncontrollable, it’s actually kinda nice.  Sometimes it gets a little distracting though, I mean the tears running out of my eyes, down my cheek kinda distract me, then of course the thought that goes with it,, “Why am I crying?” 

     This also happens when I read sometimes.  If I read something about Jesus, how beautiful he is or how much he loves me, it just makes my tear ducts go into overdrive.  I do love him and need him.  I love my wife and children, I don’t cry at that. (that was almost a set up for a joke thing *snicker*)

     I wonder if just being in his presence makes me cry, just because of his awesomeness!!??  I look forward to one day being with him, sharing thoughts, hugs, kisses and marriage; Wow what a day that will be!!!!!

    Thank you Jesus, I love you.

p.s. Come soon

Papa, Abba

     I am reading a book called “THE SHACK” by William P. Young.  I normally don’t read books of this nature, except the “PILGRIMS PROGRESS”, but I was told by someone I consider a mentor that this book is life changing.  I started reading this book before I went to bed last night and tonight I just stopped at the 12th chapter.  I have laughed with this book and I have cried with this book.  A matter of fact I would suggest to anyone deciding on reading this book to ”NOT” do so at work, for myself working in a warehouse, being at lunch reading and the next thing I know I have tears rolling down my cheeks.  Oh by the way, the reason I feel this way is because of my ”PRIDE”!  I wish the world was a place where we could show our true emotion without consequence.  I wonder what God is thinking about me right now, looking down on me as I sit here typing on this keyboard. As the song says, “I CAN ONLY IMAGINE”. 

Father, I only find favor in you when things are good and turn my back to you when things are bad.  I judge you according to my human thoughts of what is good and bad.  Help me trust in you, to except your will.  In Jesus’s name. Amen 

JESUS COME SOON

Friend

God totally blew me away this evening!  I had shared some harsh truth with a person a few days ago, they didn’t make it to church on Sunday and I kind of figured I ran them off or they were ashamed of what they shared.  I got a voice-mail from this person today and returned the call tonight, I expected to hear some sort of excuse, trying to drive me away.  What I heard was this person call me “friend’.  I believe with my whole heart that this is God. 

     Father, I’m sorry, I never trust you.  I always put more worth in my own power than yours.  I do love you and I know I’m weak, but your always there right by my side.  In Jesus’s  name. amen

Jesus come soon

Love

     Today’s service was about love, or maybe better: Today’s service asked the question, “What is love”?  I always thought I knew what love was until the day Jesus came into my life.  I had never experienced true love until that day.  It was almost like I had been totally blind, because I saw my wife and children through different eyes.  I would never love anyone more than myself, God has broken that barrier and continues to break that barrier.  As I look back over the years, I am amazed and ashamed at the same time( I guess that would be called, “ASHAZED”!!*laugh*) over how foolish I was and how God has changed me so gently I hardly notice, even though some of the lessons have been pretty uncomfortable.  I wonder when I look back a year from now, what foolishness I will see?  Jesus is my life, Jesus is my truth and Jesus is my way.

     I sit here thinking about the three crosses. In the middle is Jesus, and on either side is a man condemned to death because of a crime.  I wonder, of these men, which one I would be?  Would I be the one that mocked Jesus or the one that believed Jesus?  It really scares me to think about this question and if I actually think about it and answer honestly, I would have to say I would be the one who mocked Jesus.  I mock him everyday of my life, I don’t trust him, He’s not in control, He don’t know really what I need.  So, Yes I know which one of these men I am.  And yet he still “LOVES” me!!!!!!!!  I pray that God will have me love people in the same way his son loves me!

 

     Father, I thank you and praise you for the sacrifice of your son,  that you knew me before the world and knew I could not live without sin.  It’s in his name I pray. Amen

“JESUS COME SOON”!