Hey guys!! I hope you and Jesus are doing well. Me and Jesus are doing “GREAT!!” now. Jesus has been doing well all along, it’s me that keeps cheating in our relationship. I have been going through a lot of stuff lately and would like to share an e-mail I sent out to my Sat. group. Well here it is:
Hey all!!,
I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to everyone personally, so I thought I would type a few words. 
As most of you know Steph and I have been dealing with medical issues regarding Steph, and as of yesterday she finished her last test, and we received the test results complete. They determined there is nothing wrong as far as the tests go!!?? I asked the Dr. what would be his best guess, and he said he would say it could be a mild form of MS. We feel relieved that its not something life threatening, but at the same time, we would like to also have an answer. I guess that’s where faith in God comes in, He is in complete control!!!
Through all this I must confess that I have struggled with trusting God with the outcome. I have been on the verge of tears most of the time, broken for my wife, frustrated that I’m helpless, but still crying out to God that his will be done and fearing what that will might be.
Steph has been an inspiration to me! Watching her embrace God in a time that is most trying in a persons life. Her strength, her faith, her love and her passion in Jesus has just blown me away!! I always saw myself as her teacher and now find myself her student. Maybe that’s how it’s been all along, It just now was made visible to me.
As we face this together, accepting Gods will and pushing forward on our journey, seeking Jesus daily in our lives, Steph and I read nightly together and journal and then discuss what God has shown us.
Apparently we pissed the enemy off!! My step dad started in with abuse. He accused me of horrible things. (having sex with my mom, being the devil, being a loser) That’s just the tip of the ice berg. As most of you heard in my timeline you are aware of the abuse I have endured my whole life from this person. He threatened my life and told me he was going to pray that night and ask God that I would die.
With everything that had been going on with Steph, the normal daily struggles and now the abuse from my childhood monster, I felt I was at my ropes end. I have been fighting depression, self-pity and Isolation from community. Basically, to put it bluntly, the enemy was beating the shit out of me!
Becky K. called last weekend and stuck her nose in my business!! ( I thank God for that!) She asked if she could come over and pray with us. I could not believe I said “YES!!” She came and just listened to me, showed me some attention and love from the Holy Spirit that I needed. She came in with the full armor of God on and rebuked the enemy! When she went home in the flesh, her heart was still with us in prayer. I know that, and I felt that. That’s the “CHURCH”, “THE REAL BODY OF CHRIST!”
This week has been trying and a struggle, like being in the desert with little water. God has been doing something in my life, I don’t really understand it. But, I don’t think it’s for me to understand!! Friday, I felt a thousand pounds being lifted off me, almost like being set free from a trap. My hunger for Jesus is stronger than ever and I am in awe of Gods power. I am in awe of the power of prayer. I am in awe of the love I have received through my struggle.
To be honest, I really did not want to write this tonight, but I felt like it was what God wanted me to do for the sake of his church. I really don’t understand that, but I have found that there is a lot I don’t understand..
Your Brother in Christ,
Brian
